let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
