she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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