we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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