The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
