Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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