apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
