Do you still have your period?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
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And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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