I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
