dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
