Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
