I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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