mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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