i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
