I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
