He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
