It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize