at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
