They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
