I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
