I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
