You smell like stripper and shame
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
