i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
