Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
