And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
