he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
