Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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