Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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