Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
