Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
