now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize