Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
