if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When are your genitals available?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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