i would punch a child for taco bell
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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