am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do herpes really smell.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
