I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
