You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
