Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
