i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
