I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
