I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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