Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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