her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
someone owes me an orgasm
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
