TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize