never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
