Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
