hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
