Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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