Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
