It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
