there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
