the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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