i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
