What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Blood and glitter go together right?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
