Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She told me I should be a condom model.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
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