i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You need Xanax blowdarts
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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