mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
