i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
