You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
