Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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