So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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