He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
