Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
