Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
