I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
