okay pat passed out under dana's car
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
