i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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