I've blown a few things in my day
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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