I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
