what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
