i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
