ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
