Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
