I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
