Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can text with my tongue
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
