I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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