My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
