my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
