i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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