Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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