At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
