There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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